Being there for me

I find myself lying in bed feeling under the weather yearning for the love of ones mother when they are sick. Yet i don't have the pleasure of having that comfort of such love. Feeling lonely but realizing I'm not alone for my heavenly father is here by my side watching over me in a way not even my mother could.

Lately I have come to the reality that its me for myself sick or well it is only me that I have to rely on. If there is someone else living in the house with me and they do not or doesn't know how to take care of me do I have the right to be mad. In my eyes I say no for they have the right not to and to do as they please.

But I also have the right to want to be around that someone that will do those things for me as I for them. Coming to grips with the fact that I only have me regardless to who I do or do not live with I have to take responsibility for me no one else has to.
So I continue to search for that inner peace of know when push comes to shove it is me and only me. Fixing my food, washing my clothes and taking care of me. I am the one responsible for paying my bills staying focused on my dreams and not allowing anything or anyone to deter me from doing what needs to be done.

If by chance we began to stop blaming other for not doing what it is we feel they need to do and allow them to do as they may just think of all the stress we will let go of. Whatever it is that this individual is doing that you don't agree with remove yourself from them and surround yourself with people that are willing to do these things.

Learn to be there for yourself and stop waiting for others to be there for you.

Blame

Listen if your in a situation your in because of the bad choices you've made then change the way you do things. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. You have no right to force upon an innocent person fault for your indiscretions. Why would you kick the one person that tried to steer you in the right direction in the face. Yet the one that stabbed you in the back you give them praise and love. Most wonder why good people turn out to become bad people and it's due to others mistreating them. But with that being said what kind of person will treat a good person so cruel?

These are just some of the thoughts I've had in dealing with selfish people. Ones that no matter how good they have it they just have to have better, never satisfied. I also learned that no matter how great or good you are to them selfish people will find a way to make you feel like your incompetent. So never lose sight of who they are or who you are. Trust me you will always be the blame of everything that has and will go wrong.

God is good

Despite all of the negative I have seen and been through god continues to bless me. Most of the time it seems as if we aren't going to make it through but with faith and love we arrive. How is it that hell can bring so much peace and love?

Often I say keep the faith and know when its not your battle to fight allow god to do what is is destined to do so that it may turn out for your good and give him all the glory and praise. Remember faith without works is dead so know what it is you need to do in order for god to do what is needed of him. I know its easier said than done when we say "let go and let god." There comes a time in our lives that we have to and not worry about what others may think or say about what it is that we are doing.

Believe in the person that you were created to be and move forward in this journey called life. I hope I was able to motivate and uplift someone this morning. Be blessed and be a blessing.

Lost inside the world

As I sit and visualize the things that are going on around me

I often get lost in the evils of jealousy and envy

I try my best to pretend as if I’m just walking down an unknown street

Often unable to find a way out as if I’m in bondage

Temptations of wrong doings will come my way unable to focus on me

The things I see every day are familiar yet so strange

It’s like sitting in a room fill of oxygen yet unable to breathe

Are even sitting in a room fill with light still unable to see

Or a heart fill with love but unable to love

Arms to hold you yet unable to hold you

Legs to stand yet unable to stand

To get lost in ones mind unable to think

With the ability to heal by the touch yet you still live wounded

Having a piece of mind with no peace

As I walked down the street I stumbled but there was nothing in my way

It was that I failed to realize I was getting in my own way

Taking steps forward yet I still look back

Only to throw my whole life off track

Not too proud to ask for help

But when I do coldness is all I felt

See if I messaged your back you’ll stab me in mine

Absurdly with you honesty and truth was a waste of time

Looking through the windows of my mind trying to get the goodness you see

As you take my kindness for weakness and use it against me

Unable to control the things that I can’t change

Seems like the harder I try the more things remain the same

Loosing the battle of my inner spirits so I settle for less

This is my testimony at it’s best this I must confess

Walking alone without man I often feel like a little girl

Without the ability to concentrate I got lost inside the world

Shadows of your past

why should i live in the shadows of your past
am I less or more than that i can't focus or grasp
who i am or should be
lost in what was or use to be
the shadows creates ugly overcasts
of thr present future because of your past
so i will move forward and do what i have to
i can live with you
while the shadows of your past
sits in my lap and laugh
but its cool

cause time will tell and love will rule.

Past

Tell me if I hold on to my past can I expect my present to have a future? People why even start a new relationship when you have yet to give up on your past one? You take baggage of one relationship and add it to the next one and so on and so forth. Learn how to be fair to the person you so claim you love. Don't take away from the person who loves you to their dreams because of your selfish ways.

"My love for you can never be selfish."

"This is called true love"

We need to learn how to get out of our own selfish ways to see others enjoy the same things that we have already had a chance to be blessed with. What kind of person am I to block you of your dreams because I don't like the way my dream came to pass? How can I say I want to spend my life with you when I clinch tight to what I had in the past. I can't seem to grab hold of the things that are of today because my hands are full of yesterday.

So all I have to say to those who feel like their future are being dimmed because the one they love holds their past so dear to heart. These are the times when we must learn to live, love and accept what has gone on enough to let go.

"Let go and let God."

Starting over can be scary.

"So believe in you"

Family ties

I can remember the times when family was the one that had your back and would never let you fall. What happened to those times now days its family who's causing all the heartache and pains. So when is enough ENOUGH? Shouldn't it be that because you are older than me that you should be teaching me right from wrong and not showing me everything that is of no good to me?

It's time we stop employing the destructive behaviors of those that are close to use even though we love them dearly. Often giving so much of you to others you leave nothing to give to yourself. Why must we neglect our self for those we see don't want anything better than what's in front of them at that moment. Never allow anyone to deter you from the path in which you were destined to walk. You can't live the lives of everyone so at what point will you learn to love them and let go and allow god to take over where you have to stop?

I'm not by any means telling you to turn your back on your family, friends or loved ones. What I am saying is that you can only live the life that you have and not the life of others. If I see you going down the wrong path all I can do is give you advice as to what you should do I can't make the decision for you. Not all ties are good some you have to cut loose. If you have someone in your life that always allow your light to shine those are the people you need to keep but if they are always taking from you and never giving then those are the ones you need to let be. Move forward and move on.

Grinding

One more week working and doing my best to promote my books. Man why is everything still increasing when money has decreased? I was looking to get my third book publish with a prominent publishing company but after see the fee's and prices I just can't use them but they don't want to take no for an answer.

I understand they are one of the oldest publishing companies out there but the prices are a bit steep. I want to be able to publish and promote for what they are charging. Whatever happened to people looking out for their own I guess those days are gone. Anyway I will continue to do my best and I give god all the glory he will make a way.

Saying good bye

We have lost one of America's leading civil rights pioneer of the 1960's Dr. Dorthy Height. She lived fighting for the rights of women and blacks for over 40 years. Honor, love, peace, equality and truth is what she was about. Fighting until the end of her journey.

Now we must come together and carry on that in which was started before our time in order to be at this moment this day in time.

So here's to Dr. Dorthy Height she was truly one in a million and she will never be forgotten.

"Another angel has her wings."

LIVING FOR ME

I use to be the type of person that had to make sure everyone was taken care of and often forgetting about myself. Realizing that if I fail to be there for me how can I be there for someone whole heartedly? Once I started living for me I began to see life for what it truly is and all it has to offer.

"Live Laugh Love"

This is what I live by all day every day. You only get one life so enjoy it. Never allow one person(s) to dictate how your life should be lived. Let others live their lives as long as it doesn't hurt, harm or destroy anyone in the process.

Smile at everyone because you never know who may need it. Lend a helping hand because you never know who needs you and love everyone because we need more of it. See our nation become one under the sun and end all division amungst us.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Enjoy every moment that we are granted."

Emptiness of an inner soul

Destroyed by false intentions,

Misperceptions of understandings,

To demanding or not demanding enough,

Looking aimlessly when things get rough,

Living lifeless without cares,

Coldness sets in from out of nowhere,

Turn to whom when it’s only you,

Mystery not solved for there is no clue,

Dazed and dismayed left for the worst,

Advocate of a curse,

Separated by distance yet close in heart,

Mind bent emotions torn apart,

Damn how did I get lost?

On a plain path stumbled and fell off,

Struggle to get the internal satisfaction,

Exalted by life’s imperfections,

Unfocused with no direction,

The simplicity of life falls harsh and hard,

Soul left for dead cast out in the shipyard,

Retarded physically stabled mentally,

Deprived from physical ignorance of humanity,

Feeling second hand like hand me downs,

Lost in my own palace a queen with no crown,

An heir of diverse dissolution,

Born of a mother of tribulation and confusion,

Feelings of a doormat walked over for years,

Hated and opinionated by most of my peers,

Empty with no bottom as the abyss,

Inner soul made of stone with no use hopeless,

Bottled up like a dangerous chemical,

As if touched or looked at causes death internal,

Living as if was a ghost,

Untouchable to a few or even most,

Inner or outer continuously gone unseen,

Defined yet not knowing what it means,

Beat of a heart yet not felt,

Kiss of the lips that no longer make the heart melt,

Deprived from what is intended,

Wishing and praying for the soul to be mended.

Embracing the unseen

Looking out my window as the rain brings turmoil and pain,

Destruction becomes a distraction a mere fraction of our reaction,

Life’s not being what it use to be,

Love not bringing what it had brought to me,

Will god forgive the thoughts, the doings or the intentions of man?

Always hoping and praying all the while having to pretend,

Embracing daily thoughts of what could be,

Looking dead in the face of reality,

How can I judge or even question when I don’t truly know my own destination,

Who and what lies in the presence of my future,

Thinking to myself just be true to her,

Enjoy happy times while they last,

Focus on the present, future; forget about the past,

Picturing in my mind of a union intertwined,

As the heart begins to smile of the thoughts of you and I,

Walking through the halls of my mind,

Leading to the soul and spirit that combines,

Presence as warm and gentle as the petals of a rose,

Truth of the matter for only you know,

Joy brought upon the heart in an abundance of laughter,

Tears fall from the eye as happiness springs there after,

The touch of an angel soft and heavenly,

In only a way you can give to me,

Not caught up by ways untrue,

For we know what each other do,

Distant yet close to the heart,

Close yet miles apart,

Waiting to cuddle with just the thought of you,

For sexually will not be the only way I want you,

Listening to your voice brings harmony to my life,

Realizing everything will be all right.