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Love, Lust or Lies by Monya Williams

Basketball brought me out

 

I was fresh out of high school in June of 1992 I saw someone who would change my life forever. Seventeen years old engaged to a fine 185-pound, caramel skin toned, and muscle bound, bow-legged New Jersey native Marcus Levy. Marcus had a demeanor about him that would make your panties fall off from becoming drenched with passion. He had the power to make all the ladies heads turn, but he was my man I thought I had it all a man who loved me and would be the love of my life I was wrong.

It was Friday November 19, 1991 after a basketball game I decided to go to Marcus house and not go home I just needed to be held, comforted from losing a basketball game. Not knowing that Marcus had been cheating on me until that night.

I’ve heard the rumors from my home girls but at that time I just thought they didn’t want to see me happy.

Dawn had called me several months ago telling me of the affair Marcus was having with Tasha Brown so in love I wouldn’t listen. Late that night while lying in the bed with Marcus unable to sleep the phone rang unable to hear the ringer it began to light up so I just looked at him not saying a word to him. Troubled about what just happened I was finally able to fall asleep. The next morning creeping out of his mom’s house I went home only to return later that day. Picking up the phone I called him (ring, ring) he answered hey sweetie I said.

Marcus replied in a deep baritone voice "hey love".

I was just wondering if you wanted any company?

Yes come on over.

See you in a few.

Upon my arrival to his house I began to have the strangest feeling that something was wrong. Pat his mother greeted me at the door, ‘hey baby girl’

Hey ma… is Marcus home?

No but come on in.

As we sat on the couch having a very interesting conversation, we were interrupted by the doorbell I got up to answer and to my surprise there she stood my fiancé‘s aunt best friend. Dee-Dee, said in an angelic voice is pat home?

I replied yes let me get the key.

I opened the door for Dee-Dee watching her walk to the den where we were sitting, those red bowlegs, mannish disposition; short haircut and sweet voice captured me.

Pat, Dee Dee and I began to engage in a conversation never noticing Marcus as he entered the house.

Maya I heard my name being called from the top of the stairs.

Yes I replied,

Could you come here for a moment?

Yelling from the bottom of the stairs I replied, I’d be right there.

Walking up the stairs questioning my attraction to Dee-Dee, Maya, I don’t want you around Dee-Dee I see the way you look at her it’s the same way you use to look at me.

In my head I can’t help but laugh he’s acting so insecure.

Marcus where is all of this coming from what are you implying?

Let it go he said,

I laid on the bed flipping through the channels on the television, only to see her face on every channel. Marcus where are you going?

I’ll be right back was his reply as he walked out the room.

Noticing the phone begun to light up but again no ring. Whoever it was hung up and called right back; so I answered the phone the next time.

Hello,

Yes may I speak to Marcus? she asked,

He’s busy can I have him call you back?

She replied; may I ask who are you?

I’m his fiancé and you?

Silence overcame the phone…..

Hello, hello this is Tasha his girlfriend I’m pregnant with his baby.

Confused, hurt and angry not really knowing how to take in what she just told me. Hello, Tasha if it’s not a problem can I call you right back?

Sure she replied.

Becoming very much outraged, I can’t believe this bastard yelling at the top of my lungs in my head. He had the nerve to get upset with me for looking at someone while the whole time he’s been cheating and knocked up some chick.

Marcus bring your ass here I yelled to him from the top of the stairs. Marcus never responded only to find out he had left. Quite pissed I could think of nothing other than Dee-Dee, so I decided to go to the basketball court there she was playing ball with the guys. I sat down on the bench watching her every move not knowing she had already seen me. She came over to where I was sitting after the game was over and asked me if I wanted to play one-on-one I said yes. Playing up close so that I could feel her soft sweaty skin, round ass, perfectly arched back and well defined legs. Unable to concentrate I lost the game but fell in love for the first time not even knowing

her I was quite intrigued. A month ago I asked Marcus to choose between the two of us he couldn’t so I made the choice for him and left. Torn because I lost him calm because of my new interest yet I haven’t gained her as my new lover. Dee-Dee and I began to hang out on a daily basis. She became my basketball partner and close friend. Months later I found out she was with someone I was crushed, depressed and lost. Even though she was with someone else I was the one that she shared her dreams with and time. Then came that one magical moment, arm in arm pelvis to pelvis the passion began to rise wet with desire our lips locked as our emotions took control of us, even though we wanted to make love to each other we didn't but she gave me intimacy. I didn't

have her yet I gained the love within her heart she loved me the way I loved her. We continued to spend at least three nights a week together basking in our own glory. To wake up in the morning to her angelic voice piercing through the silent sleep of promise is quite endearing and one of the most endearing times we’ve encountered. Not knowing what will become of us realizing we may never be as she has given herself to another living in a valley where there’s no understanding, her choices of right and wrong piled upon her plate trying to be all that she tries to be. She’s given me the gift of want, passion, desire and fulfillment she was the piece of my puzzle that will make my life complete. Forever entertained by her performance my heart was no stranger to chaos as if it was spring break in Daytona or bike week in Myrtle Beach. Fearful because of my age a love affair could never be.

As she resents herself for she finally found the love she needed within me, allowing other's to control her decisions. Countless occasions of irresolvable paradoxes frequently occurred from moments of temptations freely flying through her mind. A mere glimpse of what she wanted in a relationship was miscarried because she lived in a box or should I say walked with other's ways of life. Engaged in deep thoughts of Dee-Dee my phone began to ring,

Maya I heard as I placed the receiver to my ear.

What’s up is everything ok. I responded.

No it’s my mom; I can’t seem to get her to understand.

Dee-Dee what is it that she won’t understand?

The way I live my life, she won’t accept it or even try to yet she knows she's my everything.

Dee, meet me at the river walk in a few minutes. Quite baffled yet pleased that she relied on me to

assuage her whenever she had an unresolved issue with someone. But I can’t help but to feel

imprisoned by great contradictions as she dictates, diligently I attest my ability to love her. Placing facts of righteousness I emulate our abilities, which to her seems eccentric as she comes back with flippancy and sarcasm. Anyway I arrive only to see her standing there with a solemn look on her face.

Parking my car I sat there a minute as I try to gain the strength she will need as I prepare to comfort her, not just her but also her pains.

Dee-Dee, I yelled out as I tried to get her attention.

Walking over to her she met me half way as we gave each other a hug.

Maya, thank you for taking the time out to be here for me I know if I can’t count on anyone else I can count on you.

Talk to me I’m here for you.

We walked along the pier hand in hand as I graciously listened to her troubled issues. Not quite

understanding how her mother had no understanding of such a very intelligent, loving, kind

and gentle individual especially when it’s her own daughter. I rubbed her back gently encouraging

her to surcease all that worries her heart. Never seeing her cry before a tear rolls down her right cheek leaving a trace of pain engraved on her skin.

Noticing the dismay in her every word my heart breaks not because of her but because of her situation. Being particular about the choice of words I gave her as encouragement faded away, I no longer saw the light within her shining even I was no longer able to liberate her spirits. Her soul now darkened by misery as she spoke these words.

Maya my mother loves my sister's unconditionally for they live the same lifestyle with the usage of drugs along with other sinful luxuries yet she cast me aside as if I were a criminal. She tried

speaking on other issues to get her mind off what was going on at that moment when she interrupted her statement by saying;

Maya can I ask you a question?

Yes, as long as you speak from the heart.

Why is it that you love me so?

Looking quite surprised I responded the love I have for you is truly genuine and unconditional no matter if we’re together or not my love will not fade nor

wither for it is of a pure heart and to have you in my life I’ll always love you and be there for you.

Dee-Dee why must you turn your head away from me is there something wrong?

Tears pour out of her eyes as if they were fountains.

Maya, Dee-Dee said in a weary voice. For reasons I can’t give a grantable explanation for not coming to grips of being involved with a person of your statue I’m troubled.

I feel you are my soul mate yet I’m unwilling to bend to accommodate my heart. You fulfill my desires and needs so please believe I’m most grateful for your support and love.

Watching the sun set on our own circumstances as well as the current issues being told. Leaving all the pain of the past to roll out with each tide. Trying never to turn away from her we use each moment to reflect on anew as I mature for me in her eyes I will always be the young love that revealed such truth.

Even though I’m inferior to her in age she is inferior to me in knowing the unlimited possibilities in love.

Even when she’s being nonchalant her cares and concerns are still felt by the smile within her eyes.

For time to come I’ve been there to pacify her disappointments brought about by crudeness employed upon by coarse actions of lovers, family

members and friends. Dee-Dee will forever hold a place in my heart but only my true love will have great possession and unlimited access of it.

Dee-Dee taught me a lot about true love and for that I’m grateful also she allowed me to experience tremendous heartache along the way. She could never hide her love for me as well as keep away the disappointments either. I questioned constantly why age was so important when love played a factor especially if most were into dating older ladies such as myself. A youngster yet mature for my age mentally, spiritually and emotionally known to be called an old soul even she said that herself. I gave Dee-Dee the best part of me when I opened the door to friendship.

We’ve been through too much together yet I can’t understand why she won’t open the door to commitment. She always joked about me not being ready sexually she might have found some truth but in love she could have not been more wrong. Just recently her best friend past, Dee and I fell out of contact with each other but some strange way somehow she was able to locate me. It was a Thursday afternoon after work when my cell phone rang I didn’t recognize the number curious so I answered anyway.

Maya I heard from a female’s voice on the other end but I couldn’t make out who it was.

This is me may I ask who’s calling.

It’s me Dee-Dee.

Hey stranger how are you?

Ok I guess.

What’s wrong you don’t sound like yourself?

It’s my best friend Ty.

What about him?

I just found out that he was murdered.

Are you going to be alright I’m sorry to hear that I know the two of you were very close is there anything that I can do?

No I just wanted to let you know.

You know that I’m here for you if you need me I will be there.

I will be flying to Arizona where he lived so I can make the funeral.

Is anyone going with you?

Do you need me to take off work so that you will have someone there with you?

No, I don’t want you to miss work plus Ivy is going to meet me up there.

Well it’s good that your sister is going with you.

So what is it that I hear in your voice?

Nothing I’m just tired.

Why won’t you open up to me, the pain is so heavy in every word you speak that it’s weighing heavy on my chest.

I can’t right now I don’t even know how I’m going to deal with the death of Ty.

Why is it so hard for you to open up to me considering the fact what we’ve been through? When there was no one to talk to you talked to me. I’m not going to pressure you due to the circumstances. It’s just that I feel your pain deep within my spirit.

You are doing everything right I will open up to you but only in due time.

Maya I’m just a little lost that’s all.

I’m leaving tomorrow on a 12:00 pm flight I’ll call you when I get back.

Dee-Dee I’m here for you, I love you and will see you later.

I love you too, Dee-Dee replied.

She hung up the phone leaving me with much dismay. How can two people that have never encountered any sexual or physical experiences connect in ways that are unexplainable? Dee-Dee’s best friend’s funeral was that upcoming Saturday. She was schedule to return home that Sunday after she sat and visited with family. I didn’t know how she was going to get home from the airport upon her arrival so I decided to call only to my surprise she answered the phone letting me know she was already home.

Dee what’s up, are you ok?

Yes but I’m busy right now can I call you back?

She didn’t return any of my phone calls and left me hanging. That’s the kind of disappointment I had spoken of. The more I try to be there for her the more she began to push me aside. I use to be able to assuage her in our prior years but the last few I couldn’t make a difference. She was my world yet I don’t even know what I have become to her. Could it be that I was a memory of past experiences or just that young love that crossed paths with no direction.

Lust played no part when it came to my feelings for this woman love was the key that unlocked many doors exposed many opportunities some good and some bad none regretted.

Life is what it is but I can’t continue to be the convenience that’s expected of me with no act right. I stand strong on my conviction of remaining friends and just only that friend I’m allowed to be.

You can get a copy of Love, Lust or Lies by Monya Williams at www.createspace.com/3636211 or www.amazon.com/monyawilliams get your copy today. Support an emerging number #1 bestselling author and poet.