MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my
mouth.But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I
raised the topic calmly.She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead
she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question.This made her angry. She
threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night,
we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out
what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to
Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of
guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our
house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore
it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger.
I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in
front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was
actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be
firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at
the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep
very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke
up, she was still there at the table writing.
I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life
as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she
didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to
me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her
into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for
the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever
morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face
the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.
From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell
our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down
outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.
I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face,
her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On
the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing
again.
I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing
what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not
find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.
I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I
could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part
of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind
at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom,
through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that
our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.. jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind.I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane,
I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then
touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my
head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the
details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I
realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll
carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived
home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find
my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to
even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from
the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the
divorce.- At least, in the eyes of our son- I'm a loving husband..
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It
is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create
an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves.
So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each
other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share
this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were
to success when they gave up.
I love this story.
